and that`s how the fight started.....

[krankenhausen]

How the Fight Started

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the
gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?"
I replied "Dust".
And that's how the fight started.....


A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
perfect.'
And that's how the fight started.....


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200
in about 3 seconds. ' I bought her a scale..
And that's how the fight started.....

I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's how the fight started....

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's how the fight started....

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first. I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's how the fight started.....

[siggi109]

[fatz]

flach.........

[krankenhausen]

jetzt tut mal nicht so intelell aber in der Tat typisch amerikanisch und kein britiischer feingeistiger Humor.
Ich kanns ja löschen

[BYFF]

dafür war deine erklärung der wirtschaftskrise piltzerpreisverdächtig ...(was n wort wa)

[krankenhausen]

hab dafür ja auch 7 Sylvester an der Akemie studiert.

[BYFF]

ups pulitzerpreis natürlich

[fatz]

@byff:
DER war gut!

mit euren fremdwoertern koennt ihr mir gar nicht impraegnieren!!

[BYFF]

aber den konstantinopolitanischendudelsackpfeifenmacherpreis bekommt er ob dich das imprägniert oder nicht
party !

[siggi109]

hab dafür ja auch 7 Sylvester an der Akemie studiert.

naja,studiert hatter ja wirklich...........
aber englisch hat in die verwandschaft und das leben gelehrt.

[krankenhausen]

Vielleicht hat dieser hier etwas mehr humoristisches "Nivea"

Dr. Kornmehl was a world-famous cardiologist who earned his undergraduate, graduate, and medical degrees in his home town and then left for Manhattan where he quickly rose to the top of his field.

Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper, at a conference coincidently held in his home town.

He walked on stage, placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor.

As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently farted.

The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the lecture room and reverberated it down the hall!

He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper.

He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his home town again.

Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Cohen and arrived under cover of darkness.

The hotel desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Cohen?"

Dr. Kornmehl replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here, received my education here, but then moved away."

"Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk.

"Actually, I visited once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."

The clerk consoled him. "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others.. I bet that's true of your incident too."

Dr. Kornmehl replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my embarrassment."

"Was it a long time ago?"

"Yes, many years."

The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Kornmehl fart?"

[krankenhausen]

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a computer engineer were driving down the street one day, when the car they were traveling in broke down.

The mechanical engineer said, "I think a rod broke."

The chemical engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end.
I don´t think it´s getting any diesel."

The electrical engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system."

All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?"

The computer engineer replied:
"I think we should all get out and get back in."

[krankenhausen]

Edinburgh, Scotland, eine Apotheke in der Altstadt:
Punkt 9 Uhr geht die Tür auf, ein schottischer Major in voller Tracht marschiert im Kilt, dudelsackpfeifend, auf die Theke zu. Der Apotheker nimmt "habt Acht"-Stellung ein, und grüßt den Major zackig.

"Kann ich etwas für Sie tun?" Der Kunde kramt in seinem Hermelinbeutel am Gürtel und legt ein kleines Päckchen auf den Tresen. Er faltet es auseinander, und es kommt ein uralter, vergilbter Kondom zutage. Dieser weist ein Riss in der Spitze auf.

Der Apotheker: "Ja, ja, ein trauriger Fall!" Der Major: "Kann man so was flicken?" - "Klar, wir haben ein Schweißgerät da, kostet nur 1 Pence." - "Und ein neuer?" - "Ab 2 Pence aufwärts." Der Kunde faltet das Päckchen wieder zusammen und geht, einen leicht verdutzten Apotheker hinterlassend.

Zwei Stunden später geht die Tür wieder auf, und der Major kommt wieder hinein, legt das Päckchen auf die Theke, und spricht: "Das Regiment hat abgestimmt - wir lassen ihn flicken."

[Fuelkiller]

Mein Favorit ist zur Zeit der hier:

Frage: Was liegt am Strand und spricht undeutlich?
Antwort: Eine Nuschel !!



Gruß
Elmar

[Max Bygraves]

Frage: was ist schlimmer als ein angebissener Apfel mit einem Wurm drin?

Antwort: ein angebissener Apfel mit einem halben Wurm drin!

lg,

Max Bygraves